The Big "C"

As I take a look at my life, not necessarily the past, but exactly where I am right now....commitment is at the heart of all my struggles and desires. It is like a sibling whom I need and depend on, yet resent and sometimes try to avoid. We are in this ride together, however there are times I just want to go my separate way.

Don't get me wrong, I long for commitment. I want the commitment of a family, children, ...in a more vague and less defined sense, a commitment to "the greater good." I want a partner in my life who is committed to me, to forgive my faults and embrace my flaws. I like being committed to teaching (though at times, I do question my follow through with this commitment). I take pride in that fact that I am, for the most part, a committed friend (though I do falter at times) and I like to believe that I am committed to showing my parents as much love and care that they have always shown me.

I want commitment. I want to be committed.

But then, there are all those areas in my life where I just seem to struggle with embracing commitment.

I vowed to give up Jermaine.......needless to say, I have yet to stick with that commitment.

I want to lose weight...I am more than knowledgeable about what it takes to get there, I just can't stick with an exercise and eating plan.

I want to strengthen my relationship with God... I have attended church only once in the past year.

I want to stop gossiping or resenting other people's good fortune....I still trash talk with the best of um!

I want to become financially secure---I have yet to discover a plan to make that truly happen.

I want to give, not only to my friends, but to society---I fall overwhelmingly short on this goal.

I want to find the right guy---I have relapses and don't put my effort/energy in the right places.

So you get the picture...I am at best, a work in progress.


I think, in part, my struggle with commitment comes from being part of the "instant gratification" generation. If it doesn't happen easily and or effortlessly, then I tend to let the goal slip. I'd rather whine about how I don't have or haven't achieved what I want.

I can't even commit to keeping up this blog :) But I sure can commit to finishing a pepperoni pizza :)

My point...not really sure that I have one, except to confront the elephant that is in my room..., and attempt to make sure committment and I are always, at the very least, riding in the same direction.

Lynn's Law: The big "C" is similar to the big "O"....difficult to get there at times, but well worth it in the end.