Keeping IT REAL

Sigh....

I am depressed. To what degree, I don't know, but I do know that I feel like it's starting to take over. I have spent the past couple of months trying to avoid the fact that I'm depressed. I don't know, I guess I just think that there is a stigma attached to admitting this....."I'm weak", "I'm ungrateful", "I don't realize my good fortune", "I'm self absorbed"....etc., you get the gist. But the facts remain.....I feel down and I can't seem to lift myself out of it....no matter what I surround myself with or how much self talk I do!

FACTS:

I gained 16 pounds.
I am constantly tired.
I never want to get out of my pajamas.
I can't concentrate on being in the present.
I never want to go out or make myself look presentable.
I can't get away from negative thinking for more than 1 day, sometimes more than 1 minute.
I called in sick to work today, even though I'm out of time and will be docked and I don't care.


So, here I am.....admitting that I feel like shit. Why? I think everything just came kind of crashing down at once. I mean no one likes a whiner, however how can I truly move away from all this if I'm not honest with myself. Some people suggest that I just focus on others...but how can I give to others when I feel like there is nothing to give?

Please note, I do recognize my blessings in life......but recognizing them is not enough to take me from this daily gloom. I think I'm going to end up like my friend Janet. And that scares the hell out of me.

I know, I know......change my attitude......don't be so hard on myself.....blah, blah, blah.

But that's my point exactly.......Everything is BLAH.

Lynn's law:

Being optomistic isn't always realistic.