The Four Agreements

Yes, I know it's been a long time since I entered the world of blog. I have been on hiatus from writing. I wish I could say the same for thinking. But I'm back now, and my one of my goals for the new year is to write more. So alas...here I go.


I've been rereading a book by Don Miguel Ruiz, called The Four Agreements. It is a book my brother recommended to me years ago. I connected with it then, when I was going through a major breakup with my ex boyfriend Shelby, and I find after all these years, I still connect with the basic philosophy. Actually, the philosophy isn't at all basic. It is deep with layers and layers of meaning, yet there is still a simpleness about it. Anyway, I won't talk the book. Anyone interested in world philosophy should definitely give it a read.

The four agreements are:

1. Be impeccable with your word 2. Don't take anything personally 3. Don't make assumptions

4. Always do your best.

Such four simple principles....however the task of mastering these principles is very difficult.

I wish I was impeccable with my word. I do my best to speak with integrity and to say what I mean and mean what I say. But if I'm honest, I all to often fall short of this goal. I often tell lies as to not hurt others' feelings or to get out of obligations (responsibility). On more than one occasion, these lies have led to tangled webs. I always tell myself I'm going to improve on this, but I often fall back to the same practiced habit. I also use the power of word to speak ill of myself and others. The lies I tell myself, are the most damaging messages of all. This year, I vow to make an honest and intended effort to be impeccable with my word. The people who love me and who matter will always swallow the truth, and I have to let the people who can't, own it as their own issue. I'm also going to pay attention to the messages I tell myself. They always say..."the truth will set you free." Knowing who I am, and being honest about who I can be is probably the best gift I can give myself.

The second agreement is the one I struggle the most with. I take EVERYTHING personally. If someone cuts me off in traffic, I think it's personal. If a guy I like doesn't answer my phone call right away, I take it personal. If the bank charges me an overdraft fee, I take it personal. You get the point. The book proclaims that, "Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality and their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering." How I so want to master this agreement. I would love to not take words and actions to heart. I imagine, you have to be very secure with yourself in order to truly master this principle. All I can say about this one is that I will take baby steps and do my best to try to apply this to my life. After all, I am only a work in progress :)

The next agreement is to not make assumptions. I feel that at the age of 33, I am getting better at this one. I ask the right questions and do my best to communicate clearly. I still do make assumptions, but I'm more aware of when I'm doing it and I can easily figure out that more communication is needed before I come to a conclusion. I think this is the agreement that I'm closest to getting right. I do my best not to judge. But I will say I also refuse to ignore the writing on the wall. This one is definitely a teetering act!

The last agreement is to always do your best. I think this is relative. My best one day, may not be my best another day. But I think always putting your best foot forward is the right way to go about living life. Do I always do it? Hell no. Do I think I should, ...of course. I am the classic under achiever. I like to believe that when it comes to people and things that really matter, I'm going to give it my all. But the hard question I need to ask is.....If I matter, why don't I give myself the best? See, I'm working on being impeccable with my word :)


So all this reflection to say that in 2009, I want to work on being a happier, healthier person. I want to recognize my blessings, surround myself with people who have similar beliefs and values, and improve in areas that need improving. I hope this year I am one year closer to being truly comfortable in my own skin and helping those I love feel comfortable in theirs.

Lynn's Law: Nothing is more important than keeping the agreements you make with yourself. 2009 is a good year to shine.